Change of Darkness Page 12

  Reaching the front of the queue, Siray reached into the barrel to grab her supper but froze as another howl rang out. She turned slightly in the direction of the pit, but Baindan, who was behind her in the line, said quietly but firmly, ‘Grab your portion, Siray.’

  She forced herself to turn back and snatch up the first piece of wrapped meat she saw, then moved away from the barrels towards where a weary Genlie and a patched-up Kovi were sitting down.

  She had taken only a few steps in their direction when a shrill scream split the air, almost causing Siray to drop her food. Then she jumped again as she felt something warm grip her shoulder.

  ‘Steady,’ whispered Baindan from beside her.

  She took in a deep breath, gave Baindan a tense nod, and resumed walking with him the rest of the way across the yard to Genlie and Kovi. She didn’t sit down, though, and couldn’t even bring herself to look at her portion, listening as she was to the muffled sounds coming from the pit.

  She could hear grunts and the occasional muted thump, but apart from that, it was mostly silence now, which was almost more unbearable than the screams.

  Standing by the rectangular pit outside of the perimeter of logs that ringed it were a couple of guards, who were chatting with each other and laughing as they watched whatever it was that was occurring out of sight below them.

  Siray turned her face away, murmuring over her shoulder to Baindan, ‘We’re just entertainment for them.’

  He shifted closer to her, almost so that they were shoulder to shoulder, although he continued to watch the guards from next to her. ‘In many ways, we are. But they are serious about transforming us into weapons for their own army too.’

  She looked up at Baindan and saw his stormy-grey eyes meet hers, his gaze holding a fierce light. She hoped it wasn’t the remnants of the drug still in his system. But as she continued to look into his eyes, she saw them shift slightly to focus on something beyond her and stay there, as they grew wider and more disbelieving.

  Siray glanced back at the pit, tensing as she did so, and took in a silent gasp of breath.

  Now that the sounds from the pit had stopped, the guards had kicked loose a rope ladder that had been curled up against the wooden posts close by, its ends tied to one of the beams. The pair seemed to be watching in stunned silence as someone’s dirt-encrusted hands and a mop of tussled hair began to emerge from the hole.

  And as the figure climbed the last part of the ladder, and shakily straightened up to a standing position, Siray couldn’t help but stare.

  Dirty, bloody, bruised, and thin, it was the female who had been thrown into the pit the previous morning.

  ***

  ‘How did she do it?’ Genlie’s awed voice floated to Siray from across the space of the cell. Her words had been quiet, but surrounded by stunned and exhausted people, with no other sounds to impede them, her words were clear.

  They had just been herded into their cells and had settled down into their own places on blankets along the wall, various groans and moans rising from them as their injuries barked at the movement.

  Siray had activated the washroom light, allowing the faint glow to reach a little way into their dark cell, so that they might see each other as they spoke.

  And not feel so alone.

  Kovi and Genlie were the farthest from the cell door, sitting close together against the far wall but not touching, and Siray sat at a right angle to them, Baindan and Zale seated to her right and left.

  Siray knew who, and what, Genlie was talking about. ‘It must have been desperation,’ she murmured, her words as clear as Genlie’s in the quiet. ‘It gave her the strength to defeat both of them.’

  For there had been no doubt about the outcome after the guards had let the female emerge from the pit. The rules had been clear—you could not leave the pit until you had proven yourself, and there was only one way to do that.

  Upon reflection, it was obvious to Siray that the howls she had heard after the male and female had been thrown into the pit had come from the female who’d already been in there. She wondered grimly how the petite female had done it. Had she taken one of them out while they had been unconscious? Then turned on the other and—

  Ugh. She had to stop thinking about it. But erasing the image of the bloodied female after she had climbed out from the hole and stood scanning all the captives like a predator would take a while. The female had looked at all of them, assessing and weighing the risks of everything she saw, before she would even take a step away from the pit. Then once she had taken that first stride, she had kept going, her head swivelling constantly to keep everyone around her in sight as, knees slightly bent, she had made her way warily but quickly across to the barrels of food.

  The captives nearest the barrels had backed away slightly, especially as the female bared her teeth in warning as she saw them all watching her. But it was the image of the female, her hands and face bloodied, reaching in for portion after portion of food and ravenously devouring each one that really stuck in Siray’s mind.

  And which made her ask the question. What would she do to survive?

  An image of herself emerging bloody but victorious from the pit popped into her mind automatically, making Siray wince. When she glanced at her friend again, she saw Genlie looking across at Kovi. What would Genlie do, she wondered, to protect the one she loves?

  Siray had already seen Genlie fight today when Kovi had been threatened, seen the female’s lack of self-consideration as she had thrown herself between her mate and his opponent. Yes, Genlie’s reaction had been fuelled by the drug in her system, but as Siray was starting to realise, the drug had to have a base emotion to act on first. She pitied the unit with which the guards had placed the wild-looking female from the pit. And hoped it was Melora’s unit.

  ‘Do you think they’ll drug us again tomorrow?’ Zale asked the room at large.

  Kovi snorted, touching the healing strip that angled across his forehead. ‘They could have drugged us again tonight, for all we know. But it’s not as if we can start skipping meals, even if they are.’

  Baindan nodded. ‘I imagine that there would be a punishment if we refused to eat at certain times. But even aside from that, given the demands placed on us, I think it would be unwise at any stage to skip a meal.’

  ‘But I had no control over what I did,’ interjected Genlie, ‘just this insatiable urge to win, at whatever cost.’ Her voice was low, as if she not only regretted her actions from the fight earlier that day but was repulsed by them.

  Siray decided to state her theory. ‘I think the drugs create a state of mind that feeds off emotion. Today, when I was fighting Melora, all the little taunts that she had made while we were at the Gonron Facility came back to me, fresh as the day she made them.’ She swallowed. ‘And Tamot, he nearly left the lines this afternoon to pick a fight with Captain Raque. Because he was thinking of Jorgi.’

  On her right side, Baindan shifted a little, and Siray tilted her chin his way slightly. He was looking at her with concern.

  She angled her face away, not wanting to acknowledge verbally that she might have also come close to taking on Raque that evening. ‘But there may be a way to control it. I think it takes a great deal of focus, and support, but it can be done.’

  ‘How?’ Kovi demanded, sounding doubtful. ‘How can we control it?’

  As they had finished off their meals that evening before returning to their cells, Genlie had told Siray what had happened to Kovi in the arena. His rage had apparently made him forget all caution, all his strategies, and he had thrown himself into a battle of strength against an opponent who was his superior in that area. It was something that Kovi normally would never have done. Which made Siray wonder what it was that had set off Kovi’s own drug-induced battle rage.

  Siray returned Kovi’s direct gaze. Saw the shadows in his eyes. ‘You need to be aware of what your triggers are. What memories make you vulnerable to the effects of the drug. You need to have some way
of distracting yourself from them—to break the cycle of grief and pain or whatever it is for you that feeds the chemical reaction.’ She took a breath. This was the part none of them would like. ‘And you need to tell someone about your triggers.’ She flicked her eyes to Genlie, then back again to Kovi.

  He became still for a moment, apparently holding his breath, before he exhaled and then gave a curt nod.

  She gave him a small, encouraging smile, showing him she understood. They would all have to do it, even her. And none of them liked dragging up the past. Still, she would deal with hers later. Right now, there was something else they all had to discuss. She dropped her voice even lower. ‘So, we are set on tomorrow night, then?’ It took a moment, but she waited until there were four pairs of eyes on her before she continued. ‘I think the plan is sound. And Wexner let me know that he was able to scrounge up some boots.’

  ‘Great Mother—how did he manage that?’ Zale’s face was incredulous.

  Siray gave him a tight smile. ‘In the fight today, after he dropped one of the members of the other unit, he stole their boots. When the male came to, he was smart enough not to bring his failing to anyone else’s attention. Whether Herrin saw it happen or not is another matter.’

  ‘Doesn’t seem like Wexner has any control issues, then,’ Zale remarked.

  Genlie shook her head. ‘No, that’s not it. While I think that Wex might have more control than us, his control today was probably because he never has much of an appetite at midday. Especially if he knows he’s going to be fighting or training. It’s just his way, even here.’

  ‘Huh. Smart.’ Zale paused before continuing. ‘I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse.’ His eyebrows had narrowed, but he looked up and gave them all a small grin.

  Something in that lopsided smile was infectious despite the day they had all lived through, and Siray felt an answering smile creeping across her own face.

  ‘So, Wexner came through.’ Kovi directed the conversation back to the matter at hand. ‘How is everything else coming along?’

  ‘We’re set,’ Zale confirmed. ‘I managed to grab the extra blankets we needed while everyone else was distracted with the barrels this afternoon. Those brawling rock-heads really did us a favour.’

  ‘Well, then, we’re ready to go,’ Baindan announced. ‘I’ll let Wexner know tomorrow that we’re on.’

  They all nodded and, exhausted, they each began making their meagre preparations for sleep, once again Changing into their various forms as needed to heal injuries or simply curling up beside the closest person for warmth.

  After moving across the space to deactivate the light in the washroom and then making her way back twice as carefully to her chosen spot, Siray twisted herself around so that her head faced towards the cell door and Changed into her sevonix form, tucking her legs and tail in to give the males on either side a bit more room.

  ***

  In her dream, someone was yelling, but it took Siray a moment to be able to understand the words.

  ‘I need proof of this. Guesses are no good to me. If she’s not the one we seek, then we need to know and get back on the hunt. And if she is …’ The blurred outline of a towering male figure before her gave a slow smile, yet the rest of his face was indistinct.

  Siray blinked a couple of times but then realised it wasn’t so much that the figure was hazy but that he was wearing some kind of hood and seemed draped in shadows. In addition, she also seemed to be standing just to the side of someone else, at whom the hooded figure’s irate words were directed. She tried to turn to see who it was, but her body was unresponsive. Only her eyes seemed able to move.

  The person beside her, another male, murmured something that Siray couldn’t quite hear despite her closeness, and she felt goose bumps rise on her skin. Something about that voice …

  The hooded male spoke again. ‘Then I need to speak with him. Bring him to me. Immediately.’ The voice was commanding, leaving no room for argument. Siray could almost feel the power radiating from this male as he spun away from her and the figure beside her and began to stride off into the dark.

  Unbelievably, the male next to her dared to speak again—words Siray could still not make out.

  The hooded male wheeled, anger lining every inch of his shadowed frame. ‘Then find a way to do it!’ he roared.

  From the corner of her eye, Siray saw the male beside her bow his head low and hold that position as the hooded figure spun once more and strode rapidly away.

  The male beside her waited until the other’s footsteps had faded away before he raised his head and turned to head off in the opposite direction.

  Siray tensed quickly, her body almost electrified as she realised what she had glimpsed when the male had turned.

  A flash of silver.

  ***

  Siray shot up onto all four feet to find darkness surrounding her. And someone had a hold of her shoulder. She twisted quickly around, her movements silent as she extended a large paw to shred the person gripping her. She breathed in, ready to attack—

  And stopped. She knew that scent.

  ‘Ssssshhhhh, it’s me,’ came Baindan’s voice.

  Siray sagged, then Changed. And silently punched Baindan in the arm. ‘What are you doing grabbing me like that in the dark?’ she hissed quietly. ‘I almost tore your arm off!’

  She felt warm breath on her cheek as Baindan leaned in closer. ‘I didn’t have much of a choice. You were squirming away madly right next to me.’

  Siray stilled, her body going cold as she remembered her dream. Even though it seemed to be nothing more than some random creation of her mind, she didn’t know … There was something similar about this dream to others she had had, although, try as she might, she was having difficulty recalling their particulars.

  Baindan’s breath tickled her face again. ‘Bad dream?’

  He was so close that Siray could smell the dried sweat on his clothes, and that slightly wild, grass-and-animal scent that seemed unique to him.

  ‘Yeah, something like that.’ Was it more than a dream—more than a nightmare?

  Baindan seemed to sense something in her answer. ‘Want to talk about it?’

  Did she? She thought for a moment. ‘I’m not sure what it was even about. It was just two people talking. Or rather, one talking, one yelling.’ She shook her head, then realised he couldn’t see her in the darkness. ‘It probably doesn’t mean anything.’

  ‘Okay,’ Baindan said easily. She heard him move slightly in the dark and heard the quiet rasp of his shirt against the stone wall as he slid back down to settle against the floor, the heat of his hand on hers inviting as he pulled her to the ground to sit beside him. He leaned his chin in close to her. ‘Then do you want to tell me about what your trigger was today?’ he whispered.

  Siray stilled, her body going cold even with Baindan so close. No, she absolutely didn’t want to talk about what had made her almost run out to attack Raque with Tamot that afternoon.

  Yet, from his expectant silence, Siray knew that Baindan had already guessed what it was.

  She breathed out slowly. ‘It was remembering Deson, and how he died right in front of me.’ Baindan didn’t say anything, which Siray was grateful for. This was hard enough without interruptions, for a number of reasons.

  ‘And it was everything he represented,’ she continued. ‘Our fight against the Faction, the team we were.’ She stared into the dark, remembering the deep, endless brown of Deson’s eyes. ‘We shared the same form, a kind of … special connection.’ She narrowly avoided telling him about the way she and Deson had been able to communicate silently. ‘And I miss him.’ A simple way of stating the hole his death had left in her life. In her soul.

  ‘If I could alter what happened, I would,’ Baindan said softly. ‘Even if my greatest wish would be to have you for myself, to be with you always, I would want you to have the opportunity to make the decision. To be happy with your choice.’

  The poun
ding of Siray’s heart increased as she felt Baindan’s shoulder shift against hers. Felt the heat from his hand before it even touched her face, his calloused fingertips light against her skin as he brushed his hand down her left cheek.

  ‘I hope you have no doubts as to my affection, my loyalty, and what I will do to protect you,’ he breathed.

  Siray felt as if her very skin was tingling, and she heard Baindan’s intake of breath as she leaned into the hand he had placed against her cheek. He shifted just slightly again, and then his other hand was cupping her chin, drawing her forwards so they exchanged breath.

  ‘You’re my only trigger,’ he whispered to her before guiding her mouth slowly to his.

  The press of Baindan’s lips against hers sent Siray’s heart racing, and some small part of her wondered if the sound of its erratic beat might actually wake Kovi, who had Changed into his cripwof form again. Automatically, her hands reached up to wrap around Baindan’s neck, wanting to hold him.

  After a long, heated moment, their lips parted for an instant, and Baindan gently sighed her name. ‘Siray …’

  Then his lips were back on hers, his arms crushing her to him. She could feel the muscles in his chest tighten as she pressed against him, wanting to be closer.

  Eventually, the sound of someone shifting in their sleep—probably Kovi, given the soft, guttural grunt—made them break apart. Made Siray recall where they were. What they faced, every day they were here. She couldn’t make any promises to Baindan. If they made such a commitment, and one of them didn’t make it … well, it had driven others mad. Had almost claimed Tamot. Once a promise of mating was made, once the female decided, it was final for them both. It was something she wouldn’t risk doing to him.